world in a bar with a PBR
It is a ribbon pinned blue-flavored flat ironed
bonnet that looks like it just received first place in the fecund sow division
at the local 4-H county fair. A boysenberry pie splattered in the antebellum
center in the first draft of the confederate flag. A smurf-colored sunflower
sun fertilized in a compost bin in the back of an illicit Meth lab, a Magna
Carta seal sprouting out of an old 7-up bottle somewhere in the dregs of
Yoknapatawpha county.
It is an ocular planetary patch Odysseus’s southern
Cyclops mistook for a monocle, an inexplicable notarized blotch occluding the
sight of a perpendicular red-safety belt form eternally fastening around the
clutch of the can.
If William Faulkner gave moribund Emily a rose, the
PBR seal might serve as a surrogate homecoming corsage.
It is Blue collar quaff. The hard hat lunch pail
assembly line elixir. Established in 1844. Nature's choicest products provide its prized flavor.
Only the finest of hops and grains are used.
I drink copious amount of craft beer. Beer with
applauding hops. Ales that harbor their own ballpark area code. Stouts that explode with fist-pummeling vigor
the second it attacks the tip of your palate.
But I also drink a shit-ton of Pabst Blue Ribbon.
But I also drink a shit-ton of Pabst Blue Ribbon.
I have drinking traditions.
Every winter since my liver still had a halo over it I used to plant
Moosehead (Rick Baker’s favorite beer) in the first snow and go outside and
crack one open and pretend I am
wayfaring across the Alaskan tundra searching for Chris McCandleless’s corpse. In spring nothing beats sipping Old Speckled
Hen or Abbots’ Ale while reading Chaucer or Shakespeare. In early summer esp.
when watching the Kentucky Derby and the Preakness I drink a blithe concoction known as the Pimms’
Cup (Girlfriend of dreams to DVB: Pimms’ me! DVB to Girlfriend of dreams: Pimms’ you from
behind, baby!) In late-august canoe
outings I imbibe Leinenkugel’s Summer
Shandy and Summer wheat. In the autumn I
love earthy stouts correlating with the stain glass shingles of transitioning leaves and usually once every autumn I’ll
venture deep in the woods with a six pack of Busch (the orange flared hunting can edition) and scale an abandon deer
stand off of Kickapoo creek usually while quoting Whitman aloud:
There is that in me—I do not know what it is—but I know it is in me.
Wrench’d and sweaty—calm and cool then my body becomes;
I sleep—I sleep long.
I do not know it—it is without name—it is a word unsaid;
It is not in any dictionary, utterance, symbol.
Something it swings on more than the earth I swing on;
To it the creation is the friend whose embracing awakes me.
Perhaps I might tell more. Outlines! I plead for my brothers and sisters.
Do you see, O my brothers and sisters?
It is not chaos or death—it is form, union, plan—it is eternal life—it is HAPPINESS.
Wrench’d and sweaty—calm and cool then my body becomes;
I sleep—I sleep long.
I do not know it—it is without name—it is a word unsaid;
It is not in any dictionary, utterance, symbol.
Something it swings on more than the earth I swing on;
To it the creation is the friend whose embracing awakes me.
Perhaps I might tell more. Outlines! I plead for my brothers and sisters.
Do you see, O my brothers and sisters?
It is not chaos or death—it is form, union, plan—it is eternal life—it is HAPPINESS.
Still, almost daily (at least it was daily 22 days
ago) I would drink a shit ton of PBR.
There is something about the beer that reeks of
illegitimate Trailer park arcana, abandoned fourth of July folding chairs,
NASCAR, southern drawl and of course, Kid Rock. When I first started seriously
drinking beer I wouldn’t touch Pabst Blue ribbon with a go-go gadget thoroughly sterilized
bionic arm. The first time I ever saw anyone drinking a PBR
was down at Sullivan’s, circa 1999. It was a trashy girl wearing a tank top who
had just gotten back from a Dwight Yokam concert. I’m pretty sure she was drinking
one through a straw.
.
Sometime around 2005 it became a noted hipster beer. Sometime it became culturally chic. Sometime around eight years people who talked about Jack Kerouac and Cronenberg in a noted effort to get intellectually laid starting PBR ASAP’ing. Sometime around 2005 I had a random mad lib make-out session with an auburn hair girl with dimples who now has her doctorates in Social work who, On her MYSPACE profile, under where it said, “who’d I like to meet,’ she pithily replied, "The world in a bar, with a PBR."
And so we drank insane amounts of this White Trash libation. At our poetry readings we decimated warehouse cases. A cheap swill, a twelve pack will cost you less than eight bucks most places. It has a lite taste but is full bodied and smooth. It is always refreshing. It is a great afterhour beer as well as a morning, 'beer-I-had-for-breakfast-wasn't-bad-so-I'll-have-one-more for dessert' pick-me up. It correlates well with sunsets, tepid angst-laden couplets and most literary incomes.
So PBR me. ASAP.
In 18 more days.
In 18 more days.
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